Self Analysis

    In the past two years I have change in character because I've started to become a little more trusting. I do have huge issues with trust because of an incident when I was little with a few family members. It developed when I saw how easily trust can be destroyed. What changed my idea of trust though was when my cousin started letting me back in her life and started taking care of me beyond a point I didn't believe existed.


(I suck at analysis!!!!)

Song

        If I could send a song to someone it would be my parents and I would send "Reflection" by Lea Salonga. Reason being cause maybe it would help them understand that I am my own person. I can't be what they want me to be. I can't be this trophy that they can compare to the other parents.

My Mixtape

1.    1.       Across The Stars (Love Theme) – John Williams – Star Wars Soundtrack

a.       The reason this song is my #1/#10 is because ever since I was little I’ve never been good with emotions. I’ve seen what feeling your emotions can do. I’ve seen great pain and I felt that pain. I’ve also seen that it can destroy a family and I don’t ever want to go through it again. This song makes me feel everything though; love, hate, happiness, sadness, and for those brief six minutes I’m okay with feeling everything at once.

2.       I’m Alive –Becca – Kuroshitsuji Soundtrack         

a.       The truth is I am alive more than I’ve ever been. I thank God for each and every day he has given me. He put me here to live my life to the best of my abilities and that’s what I’m going to do. I won’t feel sorry for myself when it’s my time to go and I won’t waste my time regretting any decisions I’ve ever made.

3.       May it Be – Enya – Lord of The Rings Soundtrack

a.       This song is on my soundtrack more for a memory than anything. When I was little my parents were never really around. I was always with a cousin or an aunt. It’s not that they were bad parents it’s just they had other things to do. I won’t lie though, I have no idea what they did or where they ever went when they were gone, and honestly I don’t want to. As I got older though when people would ask me what my favorite memories were I could never answer because I never had any other than sitting and watching Lord of The Rings for hours on end. When they were gone that’s what I did and this song was always my favorite from the movie. I guess it’s kind of sad to say that you remember a series of movies more than your own parents.

4.       Crazy – Alanis Morissette –Alanis Morissette: The Collection

a.        I’ve always been crazy that’s kind of a fact. What I’ve learnt though as I get older is that if I  weren’t crazy I would never survive in this world. In a way this song is me screaming my peace to the world.

5.       Chase the Morning – Sarah Brightman, Alexa Vega - Repo! The Genetic Opera Soundtrack

a.       To chase the morning for me is to basically live my life my way. To chase after the things I want and to dream as big as I can, cause really who cares if I fall because as long as I can pick myself up, I’ll be okay.

6.       Show Me Light – Ramin Karimloo – Human Heart

a.       This one has to do with the fact that I had gotten so low that I just wanted someone or something to save me, because I wanted to die. I thought that if I were to die everything would go away, I didn’t care who I hurt. I was literally shown the light though. Jesus saved my life and I thank him and God every day for it. It’s weird though because most people don’t think I believe and I guess its cause they judge me by my outer appearance.

7.       Depraved Heart Murder At Sanitarium Square – Repo! The Genetic Opera Soundtrack

a.       I know this is going to sound funny but this is my “rising from the ashes” song.  In my life this is the song that plays after I’ve beaten down as far as I can go and I miraculously rise from my grave to save the day.

8.       Our Time Has Come – James Ingram, Carnie Wilson – Cats Don’t Dance Soundtrack

a.       There’s really no way for me to describe this other than me telling the world to step aside cause I’m coming.

9.       The End. – My Chemical Romance – The Black Parade

a.       This was another song for my low point because I just hated myself. The reason was because everyone else did. I never even did anything to anyone. Kids just didn’t like me because I thought differently. I was tortured so bad as a child. I’ve never understood how anyone could ever treat someone so inhumanly. I can’t even fully explain everything they did to me cause the list is just too long, and honestly I would never finish typing it.

Reflection

What have you learned?

• I’ve learned how to analyze. I mean I’m still not that good. Personally for me analyzing is just harder but you’ve made it easier for me.

What was your favorite story?

• My favorite story was The Black Cat. Reason being just cause I love Edger Allan Poe. His stories have always been my favorites.

Least favorite story?

•          The Lame Shall Enter First was my least favorite just to the fact I didn’t really get into it. I also know this probably makes me sound like I very bad person but it just didn’t pull me in.

In the future Mrs. Endicott should...

• Pick some happier ending stories mixed with the others. After we read so many twisted stories we can’t read a happy story to save or lives. NO ENDING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN AND I BLAME YOU!

"The Black Cat" Point of View Change

He was the smell of something most foul. It was such a strong and appalling odor. I knew he couldn't be far away. The Master wasn't the same as he once was though. I remember there was a time when he would stroke my soft black fur from head to tail or when he would make sure I was always properly fed. Now he was highly irritable and impeccably moody.

            My thoughts were thrown off, for now I could hear the tumbler’s turning in the tarnished knob of the front door. Should I run? I could always hide until tomorrow I thought to myself. Unfortunately as the thoughts went through my mind I could feel his eyes already piercing me from all sides. “Come here Pluto.” He called. I trotted forward without thought.

            As he knelt down I began to shutter vigorously. I had seen what he had done to the others, but as his hand came closer he began to stroke me like he did long before the retched smell. It felt so good to feel his cool hand along the uneven structure of my spine. All of a sudden his hand came around to the front of my face. The stench, it was so powerful I couldn’t help but to take my teeth and slide down the back of his hand just to get it away. He pulled his hand away swift and from the expression on his face he was very displeased.

            Without any hesitation he threw his arm towards me and picked me up by my throat. I tried to claw for dear life but there was just no hope. I could feel my throat constricted when all of a sudden he loosened his grip. It was then I saw his other arm coming for me with his knife. I began to scrape vigorously.

I cried out in pain as only a cat could. I could feel blood ooze down the front of my face and into my mouth. Struggling was useless now. As I squalled out in pain, I heard the pop of a rubber band, but as I tried to see what was in front of me I realized something. It wasn't a rubber band that had popped. It was my eye.

As he threw me down to the floor I could see a small crimson pool lying before me, and in it what was once a valuable part of my sight. He looked down only to glance at me for a few seconds then he walked away. As I watched him turn the corridor to go down the hall I could only think of one thing. Why didn't he just kill me?

The days that followed my injury seemed no different than the days before. Well except for my constant fleeing from the Master’s sight. I did not want to be seen by him again.

As I laid my head down to nap, I felt a tone of peace and comfort which I had not felt for a while.  All of a sudden I felt myself being yanked by my neck across the floor. I grabbed on to the floor hoping I could create resistance but it was no use, I was already out the door. Why was I being pulled? Where was I going? As I felt myself begin to elevate off the ground I came face to face with the cause. It was Master. I tried to shriek only to be silenced for I could not breathe. He had me hanging from a tree limb with only his hands to stand on at the moment. As I looked at his face I could see tears in his eyes. Master why are you crying? Then as he pulled his hands out from under me, I realized why.